- The polarized mind is the fixation on a single view to the utter exclusion of competing views and is fear-driven vs. discernment-driven; the fear of insignificance (not counting) is one of the most potent fears, and can lead to a “vicious cycle of polarization,” which amps up the sense of not counting among all parties involved. This can lead to poorer outcomes with advocacy efforts.
- Depolarizing stances begin with the ability to be curious vs. presumptuous.
Be open to surprise, present in the here & now, mindful. Consider the Braver Angels credo: curiosity, openness, and respect (at least respect for the listening partner’s willingness to engage). If you do this, you’re likely to have more in common than you think. Use your training as psychologists to tap into discovery mode.
- Prior to meeting the staffer try a visualization
For more about humanizing conversations, I recommend my book The Depolarizing of America: A Guidebook for Social Healing.
Take a deep breath and visualize what it might be like to meet with a Capitol Hill staffer who has a very different--perhaps opposite--ideology than you (use an image of someone you know or have seen who reflects this contrasting view). Use mindful approach like observing a river with all its contents drifting by—try not to get stuck on any one thought or feeling; just notice the ongoing flow. Then take a few moments and see if you can visualize the staffer as a human being with his or her personal wounds and story.
- Strictly adhere to Ground Rules:
To the extent possible, come from a place of curiosity vs. labels and stereotypes, honestly try to be open to discovery in here and now with the staffer. Avoid proselytizing, eye-rolling, or big sighs; recognize that this staffer may have many more aspects than the stereotype you’ve tagged them with. Bring your best self to the meeting. Again, use what we cultivate as psychologists.
- Express your talking points being open to surprise, as if you don’t really know how the staffer will respond.
Staying open can change the whole tenor of the meeting and help you focus on what you’re there for, which is to communicate psychological priorities in a way that can be heard. Be present, mindful when talking; try not to get over-identified with the outcome—stay focused on what you want to convey on behalf of psychology. Check in with the staffer, see if they are “hearing” you or if you need to clarify a point.
240